All Done!

I finished the last tablet of Xeloda on Wednesday. It is a funny feeling; a mixture of relief that this long six months of chemo is finally over and worry that now I'm flying solo, nothing poisoning any left over cancer cells. There is the knowledge in the back of my mind that my chance of surviving five years is only around 50%, and the worry that the next CT, the next blood tests, the next colonoscopy will tell me that my time is up. Maybe this seems so much more pertinent now because I am into the next stage of this saga, the waiting game. It may be that for me at least, this is the hardest part of all; until now I was being treated, doing something about it- now there is nothing I can do to influence the future. Well, I've given it my best shot, had the full treatment, taken every pill on time ( well, maybe forgot once or twice, but not much). I can at least say that I've done the most I can.
The weather has changed here, it's much cooler and although that is nice I have gotten my traditional first autumn cold. Just a sniffle, and I'm sure it's nothing to do with the chemo, I really do get this sniffle every year, at least when we are in Israel, but it makes me feel down. It's hard to sleep with a blocked nose!
Taking stock, what long term effects has chemo left me with? It seems not many; I still have a slight loss of feeling in my fingertips but I think it is getting better and may well disappear completely. I still have pins and needles and my hands lose feeling when I take something out of the fridge. My blood counts are still down, but should bounce back soon. My appetite is still variable, but that can only be a good thing, the occasional day of not eating much isn't going to hurt me; my weight is stable at a comfortable 57.5 to 58 kilos depending on how dehydrated/ well hydrated I am. My skin has held up well, I haven't had any of the peeling and soreness which often happens with Xeloda, but it is very dry and I must pamper it a bit with lotion. Fatigue is still a nuisance, but after all it's early days yet. I want so much to start walking and get strong again but I just have to wait, another week, another two weeks...